Back in September I promised pictures, stories and blogs on my experiences and they have been so all consuming that I now sit here with my tail between my legs wondering if there is anyone out there reading this on account of my broken promise!! Life is full of broken promises isn't it?? And in mulling that over, I realize that part of healing and growing is making promises to yourself first and foremost, that you know you can keep. Being dependable means relying on yourself, holding space and respect for what you deem important and not relegating it to the bottom of the list. I think many people, women particularly but all of us, subjugate ourselves for the sake of the status quo. It is easier just to acquiesce and fit in even if you don't agree, even if it impacts yourself negatively. Everyone thinks that in order to leave a circumstance (or a relationship) you have to have found a better one (before you make the decision to leave). Perhaps a better partner or a better location where the grass is greener. But sometimes... the brave leave not knowing what is next, with no new romance or new location in mind. Some leave to work on themselves, to become whole again and pop out the edge of their deflated ball (their compromised selves) lest they become infirm or puncture themselves completely. That is what I needed to do...and here is my transition so far!!!
First and foremost, I'm happy, I'm already finding peace and though each day presents new challenges they are challenges that I have chosen to confront, that I want to encounter and overcome and simply experience as my own! I was in Maine for literally ten days before getting on a plane from remote coastal Maine to Boston, then to Spain and then Germany. It's been a chaotic time! The very first experience was the puddle-jumper from Rockland to Boston which felt more like riding on the wing of a bird but in hindsight I recall that the other 6 Mainers on board did this as their daily commute!
Spain (for the second time this year) was a total contrast to the neatly packaged CaminoWay hike in April. I was reuniting with friends I hadn't seen since we were all 11 years old. All I'm going to say is imagine 6 old friends (including one on Zoom from London) spread eagled on sun chairs with Aperol Spritz's in hand for 4 days around a beautiful pool of a Casa belonging to one friend! We/I spent all of those 4 days jet-lagged, hung over and belly laughing while revisiting crazy, adolescent memories and fulfilled and unfulfilled childhood dreams. Suffice to say 4 days wasn't enough to completely catch up and we are continuing the reunions more regularly next year!
I still hadn't shaken the jet lag before I found myself in Frankfurt visiting my Cousin and her growing clan (grandchildren), my brother in Darmstadt and my other Cousin and her own brood of children and Grandchildren in the North.
But it was in a tiny village in Lower Saxony that I fell in love... with the view from an available apartment! Not even a third of the price of the equivalent size in the US, perfect condition (just renovated) perfect for writing music while looking out over the rolling hills, enough room to welcome my children and their children (if they choose to have any) and close one subset of my German relatives, too! Sooo I took my first crazy, liberated and hopefully not stupid decision and I rented it!!!
I am ridiculously excited! I have practically met all the folks in the village already and along with my childhood girlfriends might very well form the starring character roles in this on-going blog. Some of the villagers have never traveled outside of the territory but are incredibly educated, all speak English embarrassingly well and most interestingly all seemed to know (within a week) that I had rented the best place in the village... (good thing I don't have a problem with privacy), lol!
I took an intensive German course at the Goethe Institute in the university town of Göttingen and made some progress, though still not enough to be fully conversant but certainly to get by (the studies continue...). The tutor loved our class (all four of us, lol). We were made up of a Chinese couple (both genius Mathematicians) who had been sponsored by their government to fly over and live and work in Germany. They were a sweet couple but no comment on why they were sent?... (these are weird political times, people), a very young (I'd say late teens) Senegalese genius scientist who was learning his 6th language! And then me, a genius... (just kidding) a music-mom, LOL!!! I have to say in group exercises I did help the genius contingent with pronunciation but gosh that was one intense educational experience for a middle-aged Frau from NJ!
So now I'm back in Maine and packing up most of my things and working on Visa requirements. I'll spend the American Thanksgiving holiday with my children and Father and then's it's on the plane to get ahead of the container of 'stuff' that I must have formed an attachment to (?)...
I have been told the roller coaster is only just beginning and there will be tough times ahead and no doubt that is true but here's the thing...when you choose your own path, it IS your life and ultimately your creation that you will glance at in the rear view mirror and surely that can only make you smile no matter the stories and dramas that will ensue!
And there will soon be More Music!! Before I began this wild chapter I was working on monthly releases and will continue to do that again in January BUT I have four carols that will be released for the Christmas season. One carol will drop each Friday before each Advent weekend and then one on Christmas Day!!! This is not an album by any means, rather arrangements/improvs of a few well known ones... Please listen and hopefully enjoy!
A quick plug: I have a piano (not my Grand piano) that I would like to leave in the US and ideally sell. If anyone is interested in purchasing please message me on social media or email me for details. It is my childhood piano and is in near perfect condition. Pics below!
And finally, my intention is to write another blog during the lead up to Christmas so please please stay in touch! I'm still around and would love to hear from you! H xx
