The toothless wonder behind the post office counter grinned from ear to ear revealing his glistening gum-line without the slightest care in the world. He commanded my respect.
"Just moved here then? because there are no trash stickers sold at the post office, only at the corporation office, or The Family Grocery store about 10 miles up Atlantic Highway and...welcome to the neighborhood!" He scuffled back behind the p.o. boxes to his chuckling colleagues and mumbled "ah she won't last..."
I found the store, a couple of miles north of the Alpaca Socks & Gift Shop and stood in line with 'puff cereal' and a can of milk (no lactose-free unless I go to Hannafords) and promptly asked for Northport trash stickers. "Do I buy them by the book?" I asked in an overtly out-of-town accent.
"You can buy 1 or a thousand" said the kind older woman throwing her arms in the air ..."and my name is Bee. I guess we'll be seeing a lot of you if you have just moved here? So now sweetie, let's check your eggs shall we?"...
I enjoyed that vaguely maternal gesture still fathoming why we need a sticker for each trash bag. Perhaps the skunks know that there is some good foraging opportunity in the sacks with stickers??
It's actually an eminently sensible method of trash collection, relative to usage. $2 per sticker and your sack is picked up...no sack no tax, it makes sense!...except...Bee charged me $3...hmmm, welcome to Maine!!!
On my third day up North, I have never felt so whole in my existence, swimming in my own space, in my own un-compromised self. I am relishing it. I have been told there are many ladies in my situation who would give their right arm to walk away from their current lives, or rather, run into their own arms. But they are stuck. And despite the long days and hard work (whether nurturing children or working outside the home) they long to live a fuller, more inspired life, to sit uninterrupted for just a moment and flirt with the idea of living their dream. Despite loving their family, they dare to want more and why shouldn't they? The only thing holding them back is the economics of it all. I will admit that the $'s are something to navigate, but I am transitioning with no job yet and not much cash at all. It CAN be done and I'm 54. Anyway, I'll report back in a few weeks and give you an update, lol...
That stuck woman was me just months ago. I finally shared my deep depression with the ties that bind and realized it was non-negotiable. Your soul only lives once in this body and I had given many others my best years and burnt myself out doing it while trying to concurrently pursue a music career. It is my time now. And lucky for me, the important people in my life knew that was the only way forward.
I'm learning to refrain from self judgement, from the internal debate: was it a selfish choice or really not a choice at all? And did I succeed with that life, with all the juggling, or not? In the end, it's all very subjective and more about how you feel, rather than societal perspective or verdict. And, I really don't care. My beautiful children, now 24 and 26 are pursuing their own lives, living independently and know my love is constant. They also know that in a crisis, I will still be their first responder, but now it's time to explore life. Theirs and mine, too.
So, I'm exhaling repeatedly and trying to ground myself in anticipation of the adventures that lie ahead. I have landed, but ...in a few days I'll be taking off again to Valencia, Spain (graciously paid for by a relative's air miles - remember the shoestring budget, lol..) to reunite with 5 long lost school friends from 40 years ago! I'll be staying at the beautiful second home of the friend who actually found me (I'm being completely spoiled) and all of that is followed by 3 weeks in Germany with family while taking an intensive German language course (so I can join in our fiery family conversations without a translator)!
That all happens right after Hurricane Lee barrels through my new hometown, this weekend! Wahoooaaaa...so many new experiences!
Please remember to check out my new single dropping this Friday - Lullaby For All. It will be here on my website on the home page and music page! I do hope you'll listen and download. It is another musical reflection of the time in which we are all living and is intended to soothe...if only for a few moments.
Lots of Love,
H xo